A trainee at Shearman & Sterling is cringing under his desk after sending an email from his work address describing his anticipated behaviour on a forthcoming rugby tour. Which includes chanting about how rich he is and photographing "spit-roasts".

The trainee (I'll call him James to spare his blushes) sent the email to a friend at another law firm. And inevitably, it immediately winged its way around the City. It included CVs and photos of the self-styled G4 - James and three of his gormless mates who are heading off to the Dubai Rugby 7s. Not one to hide his light under a bushel, James says the following of himself:

James's loyalty, honesty and positive attitude bring another dimension to the G4, he rarely puts himself first and can be trusted by all other team members. His whit [sic], intelligence and looks will ensure the G4 socialise with the right people in Dubai - he his [sic] definitely one to watch.

Riiiight...

And then there are the "Tour Rules":

(i) Cheating is allowed;
 
(ii) No anti-lad behavior allowed (i.e. calling girlfriends, being nice to random expats);
 
(iii) Everyone has each others backs;
 
(iv) No stealing ties or light bulbs;
 
(v) Compulsory gunning of parents affairs;
 
(vi) Mentioning parents salaries once a day; and
 
(vii) Being good lads (i.e. getting a round in for England);

(viii) Chants about your surrounding environment, being oily and how rich we are, are compulsory;

(ix) Public school boy 10 minutes (collars must be up) at specified 10 minutes past the hour;

(x) No cameras allowed after sunset, unless it's an underwater camera or there's a spit-roast (for evidential purposes);

(xi) high fives (and honey glaze) are obligatory during a spit-roast and after;

(xii) All universal consumption laws will be in effect  throughout the duration of the tour; and

(xiii) At least one 'Silly 5' at the bar per night.  All G4 members must go to the closest bar and get loose with their credit/debit cards.  All drinks purchased to be consumed within the allotted 5 minute time period.

A Shearmans trainee looks forward to a spit-roast

Is there a bigger muppet in the profession? Answers on a postcard please.

A spokeswoman for Shearmans said "we are very disappointed to learn of this individual's behaviour which is totally at odds with the values of Shearman & Sterling. We are taking this matter very seriously and are investigating it in accordance with our established procedures."