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Blogs

(124)

Blog Name: Jamie's blog

Exclusive: HogLove fake social media shame
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1
23 April 2014

What do you do when no-one wants to play with you on social media? Easy - just play with yourself.

That's what Hogan Lovells did when only two people responded to its graduate recruitment Q&A on Facebook.



Hmm, that last question looks a bit soft. Could it be because it's not from a distressingly keen vac schemer at all, but an employee in HogLove's HR department? It could. Unfortunately, she didn't use a fake name, and the cunning ruse was spotted almost immediately. Back to the drawing board.
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Law firm hires Robbie Savage
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0
23 April 2014

There's a bottle-blond surprise lurking in Blacks Solicitors' line-up of sports lawyers:



Yes, footballer, pundit and Strictly Come Dancing contestant Robbie Savage now works for a solicitors in the gritty Merrion Centre, central Leeds. His profile says he is a 'Sports Ambassador' for the firm. Hopefully it just involves taking a cheque and showing up at the Christmas party, because Savage's forays into law haven't always gone brilliantly. Like the time he lost his appeal against a £10,000 fine for voiding his bowels in the referee's private toilet, in an incident which came to be known as 'Poogate'.

Even so, it's puzzling that of all the possible athletes available within its price range, Blacks Solicitors chose Robbie Savage to be an ambassador. He once held the record for yellow cards, was infamous for diving and was so disliked that whenever someone kicked the ball in his face (which seemed to happen remarkably often) fans from both teams would cheer. He also never played for Leeds. In fact, he once called Leeds fans "mindless idiots" after they pelted him with hot dogs.

But apparently Savage has come round to working there. His profile even lists his direct line:



Although that didn't go very well.

Jamie: "Hi, can I speak to Robbie Savage please."
Secretary: "He's not actually in the office, sorry."
Jamie: "Will he be in later this afternoon?"
Secretary: "No, he won't, sorry, no."
Jamie: "Does he come in at all?"
Secretary: "He doesn't come in on a regular basis, no."

Probably for the best. He may have an elegant feathered mullet and a tie knot the size of a pear, but he'd be diving onto the lino and clutching his face every time Brian Deane asked if he had capacity. And Chris Allen clearly fancies himself as the office's star player, anyway.

Thanks to the roffer who spotted Savage after receiving a recommendation for Blacks, for its conveyancing.
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Innocent found guilty
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2
23 April 2014

The lawyer with the best name, Innocent Grandhomme Okorji, has been found guilty.

In a blow to nominative determinism, the Bar Standards Board ruled that Okorji was guilty of professional misconduct for holding himself out as a barrister and providing legal services, despite not having a practising certificate.

Okorji's wife, Joy
   

Okorji appealed the verdict, but lost. It is not known whether he is also actually quite a small man.
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Life Inside, a cartoon
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0
23 April 2014

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Something fishy in The Times
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0
15 April 2014

Finding itself with two stories featuring 'the sea' on Saturday, The Times decided to put them both on the same page. Very neat and tidy. A pity one was about new tactics in the hunt for flight MH370 in the Indian Ocean and the other was a photograph of a child being "taught to swim like a mermaid".



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What lawyers can learn from Robocop
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0
09 April 2014

'Reasons to watch' takes a look at great films featuring law. This week it's the turn of the original Robocop, in which a metal policeman teaches lawyers how to navigate the shark tank of professional life.

At first glance Robocop doesn't have a lot in common with a lawyer. He's mostly made of iron, he spends seconds rather than days in a data room thanks to a metal spike which extends from one of his knuckles and plugs directly into computers, and he shoots pretty much everything. But look beyond the chrome dome and the hyper-violent trappings, and at its core Robocop is about something very close to a lawyer's heart. Robocop's bosses wipe his memory and reprogram him to work all the time. He only gets a break when he's clamped into a chair to be fed a paste containing all the nutrients he needs. His quest is to try to leave work and remember his family. Robocop is about the fight for a reasonable work/life balance.

 
Robocop, unwittingly signing out of the Working Time Directive

 

And what a working life it is. In Paul Verhoeven's masterpiece the corporate environment is a playground for turbo-charged arseholes. It's no mistake Richard Nixon was hired to promote Robocop's home video release. The film's potrayal of white-collar bastards will strip away any illusions you might have about how to get ahead from behind a desk. When the credits rolled in cinemas, viewers binned their hippy ideals and sold their own mothers to the glue factory. It's why you've got no granny and a framed photo of a Pritt Stick.


This man made them do it
 

King of the slimeballs is Dick Jones, Senior Vice President of Omni Consumer Products. He's closely followed by Bob Morton, an ambitious executive who wants to replace him. Their feud ends badly, but thanks to Robocop you don't have to. Simply do what Jones' victim doesn't - before you badmouth your boss in the office loos, check they aren't sitting in one of the cubicles. Robocop is quite clear what will happen otherwise: a nasty man will visit your prostitute party (hey, it was 1987) and ruin it with guns and bombs.


 He's here about your knees
 

Robocop is more than a guide to the greasy pole, though. It's also a very effective stress ball. Carry a video of Robocop on your person and you'll only ever be 78 minutes away from the cathartic release of a punk getting dunked in toxic waste and burst by a car.

 
"Maybe it's Maybelline"
 

And as for client functions, well, Robocop also contains invaluable pointers on etiquette. In the film's wine-tasting scene, psychotic baddy Clarence Boddicker jams two fingers into another man's glass and sucks them. Moments later Robocop bursts in and throws Boddicker through a window. The message is clear. Boddicker also flobs blood on a document and sticks chewing gum on a secretary's nameplate. His gruesome end at Robocop's hands makes the attentive viewer aware that this is all poor behaviour.

Monitor of soirees
   

Robocop features lots of great work from top-tier character actors, but Peter Weller's performance stands above them all. For the role, he took mime lessons, insisted on being called 'Robo' and, in scenes where he shot people, he listened to Peter Gabriel's 'Red Rain' on his in-suit Walkman. All things that a lawyer should do.

Weller's never topped his potrayal as the ultimate silver fox, and perhaps he never will: after filming ended he was mistaken for a pile of metal pipes and put into storage. But you can still benefit from his greatest role, and if he ever does burst through a dry-stone wall to fulfil his classified fifth objective, you'll be able to thank him for your much-improved career.

[5. Infiltrate German parties]
   

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Life Inside, a cartoon
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-9
01 April 2014
 


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Life Inside, a cartoon
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5
20 March 2014

 

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Life Inside, a cartoon
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1
13 March 2014
The adventures of a young lawyer continue.

 

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Life Inside, a cartoon
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7
06 March 2014

Being the adventures of a young solicitor.


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