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Blog Name: Jamie's blog

Mr T turns up for jury service
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20 August 2014

Mr T has been rejected from jury duty, even though he wore his signature mohawk and is Mr T.

Mr T, also known as BA Baracus and Clubber Lang but never by his surprisingly prissy real name, Lawrence Tureaud, was called for jury selection in Chicago. To emphasise that he was no longer wanted by the government for escaping a maximum security prison to which he'd been sent for a crime he didn't commit, he wore an FBI jumper and an FBI hat.


 
"I ain't gettin' on no jury." 
 

Mr T put up with jibba jabba from several fools outside the courthouse, posing for photos and signing autographs but refusing to let any of them drive his van.

He also told reporters, "I pity the criminals today", which may have cost him his place on the jury. Either way, he was not selected.

To tide us over until Mr T blasts through the courthouse walls in a tank he made from a lawnmower, spray cans, a station wagon and some fireworks while locked in a garage, here are eight things you never knew about Mr T:

1. When Mr T was a soldier at training camp in 1976 his platoon sergeant punished him by telling him to chop down trees, but didn't say how many. Mr T chopped down over seventy before a shocked major found him and told him to stop.

2. Mr T started wearing gold chains working as a nightclub bouncer. The chains belonged to customers who'd lost them in fights and been thrown out of the club. By wearing them on the door, Mr T was able to return the chains without letting banned patrons back inside the venue.

3. While working as a bodyguard, Mr T protected sixteen prostitutes, five preachers, eight bankers, five models, seven judges, three politicians, Muhammad Ali, Steve McQueen, Michael Jackson and Diana Ross.

4. Mr T received an anonymous letter asking him to assasinate someone. A man "offered me $75,000 to kill his friend. The last envelope and letter contained a round-trip airline ticket, first class, United. Plus there was $5,000 wrapped in a little package, fifty and hundred dollar bills." Mr T says he declined.

5. Before he got rid of his jewellery, Mr T spent over an hour every night buffing it with an ultrasonic cleaner.

6. Mr T released a motivational video for kids called Be Somebody... or Be Somebody's Fool! which contained raps written by Ice-T. The video included advice on how to make tripping up look like breakdancing and the song Treat Your Mother Right (Treat Her Right), in which Mr T set out the reasons why it's important to treat your mother right.

7. In 1987 Mr T angered residents of his Chicago suburb by cutting down more than a hundred oak trees on his estate. The incident is known locally as 'The Lake Forest Chainsaw Massacre'. It seems likely he was suffering flashbacks to his army days.

8. This happened:


  Mr T and Nancy Reagan

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Man poses for mugshot in t-shirt of himself posing for mugshot
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19 August 2014

A man has posed for a mugshot wearing a t-shirt showing himself posing for a mugshot.

Robert Burt, channelling MC Escher and that time he stood between two mirrors and freaked himself out with a vision of Burts receding into infinity, was arrested for drunk driving. He had a provisional mugshot taken and was ordered to report back to spend two days in custody.

    Mug #1

Burt posted on facebook, “Going to do my 48 hours whoo,” before surrendering to carry out the sentence. When he arrived he was wearing a T-shirt printed with his original mugshot and the words “Burt Family Reunion 8/8-8/10/2014” (referring to an incarcerated relative), and “sponsored by Bud Light and Somerset County Sheriff".

    Mug #2, incorporating Mug #1

Burt said the corrections officer made him move the booking sign in order to capture Burt's celebration of what, for many, would be a shameful episode rather than something to put on a t-shirt. Burt said on Facebook, “They laughed there asses off haha”.

Burt's effort recalls the ongoing game being played by Ryan Gosling and Macaulay Culkin in which they wear a t-shirt with a photo on it of the other wearing a t-shirt with a photo on it of the other wearing a t-shirt with a photo on it of the other etc etc.

    Culkin, still a role model to one

Burt appears to be playing a high-stakes version of the same game, by himself. After his 48 hours in prison he pronounced on Facebook, “I’m out bitchs". Expect a third mugshot shortly. .... read more >
What's this, there's a RollOnFriday Fantasy League?
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3
12 August 2014

Calling all sports fans and non-sports fans who want something new to click on when they're bored: join RoF's fantasy football league.

The RollOnFriday Championship League has been set up by roffer and soccer mastermind HR@Lagos Law. All you need to do is click here to register your team.



It doesn't matter if you don't know anything about football. I don't, and while I came bottom for several weeks last season, I did not finish last. This year I'm expecting to do even less poorly, since Norwich's relegation means I am unable to include any of their players.



You've got £100 million to spend. Over 150 managers have signed up so far. The prize is pride. The cost is nothing. Can you beat De Jong Trousers? Surpass Picked By A Girl? Best The Unbillables? Find out, before being thrashed by The Spirit of Norwich.
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Exclusive: Offshoring Ashurst puts support staff at risk of redundancy
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06 August 2014

Ashurst is placing 17 of its 34-strong document production team in London at risk of redundancy as part of a plan to offshore their work.

It follows the firm's huge northshoring move last year when it opened an office in Glasgow to carry out support work more cheaply.

Now it plans to use an offshore provider to take on the sort of out-of-hours support work (typing up dictations, amending documents etc) which is currently provided by an in-house London team. The firm told RollOnFriday a London "hub" of staff would remain, with work either performed by them or by the offshore provider, who is yet to be appointed.

One source up for the chop wasn't too impressed with the decision, noting that, "in their words: "you cost us too much". Nice."

    Offshoring document production: How it might work
An Ashurst spokeswoman said the model proved successful in the firm's Australian offices, where doc prod work has been emailed to South Africa and back for over a year.

She said, "We will be consulting with the team in London which could unfortunately lead to some redundancies in the team. As part of the consultation process, we will explore methods for avoiding and minimising this".

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The search for the best lawyer in the world is over
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1
01 August 2014

Everyone can stop trying to be the best, because Pete Reid is the best. The Texas attorney's video, "I'm The One For You", proves it.

Irrefutably.

On a typical day, Reid:

1. Solves a Rubik's Cube in two seconds



2. Tosses a caber



3. Returns a dropped moneyclip


 
4. Karate chops a block of wood



5. Beats three speed chess opponents simultaneously

 

6. Gives a woman an amazing haircut



7. Foils a mugger



8. Rescues a man from drowning



9. And beats a football team by himself, scoring with a bicycle kick



That's all before he even arrives at court.

10. Where his closing argument receives a standing ovation.



What a guy. The documentary itself (apparently it may be an advert) is embedded below.

If you've seen lawyers spending their free time and the marketing budget making their fantasies a reality, let RoF know.

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CPS declines to charge vet for shagging horse, dog
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01 August 2014

A vet who filmed himself hanging out the back of a dog and a horse has escaped prosecution for bestiality.

The Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons (RCVS) took a dimmer view of Oliver Lown's antics than the courts, however, and has struck him off the profession's register.

Lown, from Suffolk, had never practised as a vet in the UK, but that didn't stop him from using his thermometer on the nation's terrified animals. As well as recording himself banging a dog and a horse, the tribunal found that Lown had been sending messages about his sexual activity (it's not clear to whom) and had an extensive collection of animal porn photos. His kink was uncovered when the images and recordings were discovered on his laptop and mobile phone.

   Dr Dothemalittle yesterday (not pictured: the seagull)  
Chair of the RCVS committee Prof Noreen Burrows said, "Each of the charges individually amounts to disgraceful conduct and the charges certainly amount to disgraceful conduct when taken cumulatively".

Because he's been struck off, Lown will no longer have access to anaesthetised hamsters in a veterinary clinic. But that doesn't seem to have been his MO anyway. Plus he can shave off his goatee and long hair and he will look completely different. That could be him now, stroking your Caleb.
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Keen Lawyer of the Week
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5
29 July 2014

Murray Shusterman's boss doesn't mind him skiving off from work early. "I like to tease him when I see him walking out at four," says Michael Menkowitz, the managing partner of Fox Rothschild, " 'What is this, a half day, Murray?' "

It's understandable. Yours will probably cut you some slack, too, if you're still coming into the office aged 101.

Shusterman, a Philidelphia corporate and real estate lawyer, was born in the Ukraine in 1912, the same year the Titanic sank. He qualified as an attorney in 1936. He's been lawyering ever since, for 75 years and counting.

During WW2 he deferred the draft 19 times to continue working as government counsel reconfiguring US banks during the Depression. He spent a few years in the 1950s & 60s writing housing and employment law as a solicitor for the city. Aged 50, he moved into private practise.

50 years later, he's still billing. He's toiled long enough to see his old law school auditorium renamed the Murray H Shusterman Hall (he donated $1 million for renovations). He might yet outlast it. Asked why he carries on, Shusterman told the Philidelphia Inquirer, "What? Retire? Sit in a rocking chair and wait to die?" He is, after all, still a good decade younger than the oldest American, who is 115 (staggeringly, she was born in 1899. Though she's stopped working).


Shusterman, two months shy of 102

One of Shusterman's three sons, 72, said the key to his father's longevity was simple: "stubborness". That seems accurate. When people try to congratulate Shusterman on his years, "I say, 'For what?' Did I just win a big case? If you want to congratulate someone, congratulate my great-great-great-great-grandfather who gave me the genes.' "

There's a price to pay for his great age. Most of the people he loves are dead. His wife of 65 years died in 2005. His siblings are all gone, and so are his friends.

A middle-aged Shusterman (centre) in the 1950s

But his love of the law prevails. Shusterman says it embodies, "the dynamics of living, the progress or retrogressing that we're involved in".

As for life lessons, "the real secret is to be decent, to be fair, and to be forgiving - now and then even a friend will do something that annoys you. And don't take yourself too seriously".
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Exclusive: Hill Dickinson places 39 at risk of redundancy
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1
21 July 2014

Hill Dickinson placed 39 lawyers and non-fee-earning staff into a redundancy consultation today.

All the jobs will be lost from HD's fraud division, specifically its counter fraud teams. The firm told RollOnFriday the cuts are being made "following a 15 % increase in instructions" for counter fraud over the last year. A reduction in jobs seems like a bizarro response to an increase in work, but apparently it's not: the firm said it was "restructuring and streamlining processes aligned to insurers’ ongoing counter fraud requirements". 

  The price of success, coming soon in HD
 

It's Hill Dickinson's second restructuring in as many years. In 2013 the firm made a £2.8 million cash call on partners, cut 14 of them and axed 69 other staff. At the time managing partner Peter Jackson prophesied that 2014 would be a "solid year". But while PEP and profit both rose a smidgen in 2013/14 (though revenue is flat - the wonders of a reduced wage bill), the rank and file are facing another dose of pain.

Head of Fraud Peter Oakes said: “It is regrettable that we will lose some colleagues from the group as a result of this restructure. We appreciate this is a difficult time and we will be providing as much support and guidance as possible.  The counter fraud market is hugely dynamic and the restructure will give us an agile model with an emphasis on expertise aligned to the evolving counter fraud environment, the needs of our clients and the insurance market”.

Managing Partner Peter Jackson said, “We are always saddened to see colleagues depart, but the counter fraud market is changing rapidly. Generating efficiencies where possible enables us to invest throughout our business”.

Read more on Friday.
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What you get when you hire a maniac to design your website
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18 July 2014
Hungarian law firm Nagy & Trocsanyi: Ok, who's our first appointme -



Nagy & Trocsanyi
: AARGH! Oh, good morning, Mr Torrance. Please, come in and take a seat. How's the family?



Nagy & Trocsanyi: Oh-kay. Now, we understand you spent the winter in a hotel designing our new website. How did that go?



Nagy & Trocsanyi: Great, great. As you know, our slogan is "We're not square".



Nagy & Trocsanyi:
Yes, we know how much you liked that. We think it's pretty snazzy, too. Have you finished the website?



Nagy & Trocsanyi: Excellent! Let's take a look.





Nagy & Trocsanyi:
  Even if we use your design, we're not getting out of this office alive, are we?



If you've seen a deranged law firm website like Nagy & Trocsanyi's, let us know.
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Not the most attractive job offer in the world
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17 July 2014

Honesty is not always the best policy.




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