Man jailed for trying to turn his poo into gold
21 October 2011
A man has been jailed for three months after trying to turn his poo into gold and burning down his flat in the process.

30-year-old Paul Moran, from Enniskillen in Northern Ireland, decided that the solution to his problems lay in voiding his bowels onto an electric heater. It's not entirely clear why he thought this would be his route out of poverty, although at his subsequent trial for arson his brief shed some light on the situation by explaining that Moran had been a drug abuser and was now on anti-psychotic medication.

An alchemist squeezing one out yesterday

Sadly all that resulted from the poo / electric fire combination was a very smelly fire, and £3,000 of damage to Moran's block of flats. The fire brigade was called, and Moran confessed to having put "fertiliser" on the heater.

"Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces", HH Judge McFarland told Moran. "It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist's dream, but wasn't going to succeed" he added patiently.

Moran was sentenced to three months with a further 12 months on licence.